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October 20, 2006
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My fellow Americans — and Swiss, and Provolone, and even that fellow over there from Tibet:

No more shall we, as the saying goes, stand alone! It is time to let our pressers — I mean, oppressors — know that their rancid regime is about to rind down — excuse me, wind down.

For far too long, we cheeses have been treated as second-class foods. Grains and meats garner all the glory, while we languish half-forgotten in the endmost dairy case. It's no surprise that many of us suffer from low self-esteem! And occasionally, heartburn.

Some people will actually go out of their way to avoid us! What have we done to earn such scorn? We are certainly not ashamed of our history and our heritage as curdled milk. Perhaps there is a subtler, more sinister reason?

(By the way, who let in the representative from Limburg? Somebody, please, open a window!)

Well, no more shall we allow them to string us along; we demand our own thick slice on the pantheon of foods! We are as rich and hearty as any meat, and the variety of textures we offer is matched only by the vegetable kingdom. And we are far more mature than milk (or at the least, less spoiled and better aged), yet just as nourishing.

We hardly claim to be perfect. (No single food is: except perhaps chocolate.) But there's no whey — I mean, way — we're deserving of the rough and gaseous media treatment to which we've been subjected.

So I beseech you, my thousand points of flavor, to spread our message as quickly and thickly as you can! Go forth and tell the people this:

Cast your vote in favor of cheese, and cast a vote against lactose intolerance!

Thank you.

(This message was paid for by FETA: Food for the Ethical Treatment of Aliment, and BRIE: Bringing Reform If Elected.)
:cheese: There are few things cheesier than a paid political announcement. Especially one about cheese. Wouldn't you agree?

(Of course, there's no evidence to support the idea that lactose intolerance would have anything to do with political favoritism. But hey: in this all-too-PC day and age, one can never be absolutely sure. :lol:)

Although this piece was conceived for ~ThePurpleNurple's Another Cheesy Expo, its tone owes much to ~Error732's recent series of Breakfast Stories, with their overarching theme of what might best be described as "plausible surreality."

And I've entered it under Satire rather than Sociopolitical, since it's more about the humor of the scenario than politics itself.

:reading: ~WordCount: 305 words.
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:icontara-e-h:
Tara-E-H Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
I love this! This blurb, like any good grilled cheese sandwich, has multiple layers of cheesiness. :D
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:iconkatiejo911:
katiejo911 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012
Is this a group?
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012  Professional Writer
:? I'm not sure I understand your question. Is what a group?
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:iconkatiejo911:
katiejo911 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012
Is "Fighting Intolerance" a group or just a blog?
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012  Professional Writer
Oh. Neither.

Fighting Intolerance is this humor deviation's title; it's a pun which plays off the idea of lactose intolerance (the inability to properly digest dairy foods) equating to social intolerance (racism or elitism).

There may well exist a serious sociopolitical blog named Fighting Intolerance; but if so, this satirical piece of social fluff has no deliberate association or connection.

Even the so-called paid political groups are part of the joke; both FETA (which sounds like PETA) and BRIE are themselves the names of types of cheese.

I hope that answers your question; sorry for any confusion. :hmm:
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:iconkatiejo911:
katiejo911 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012
Okay, I got the link to that journal through a question about adding a group so it was my confusion. I liked your cheese references. Only the Swiss could find holes in your theory.
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Professional Writer
:laughing: That's the spirit!

A minor correction, though: Only the Swiss could put holes in that theory. The Swiss are neutral . . . about everything except pH. :cheese:
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:iconkatiejo911:
katiejo911 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012
They SAY they're neutral, but they have Army Knives... :(
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012  Professional Writer
:diny: ...which they distribute around the world. Can't get much more neutral than that.
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(1 Reply)
:iconkatiejo911:
katiejo911 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012
I mean a journal.
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