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:iconhavetales-willtell: More from HaveTales-WillTell


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poetry and prose xx by urban-lingo

Words That Can Move Mountains by Carmalain7

Poetry by ArisolxSan


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Submitted on
March 15, 2009
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Georgie Porgie threw an orgy
     just outside L.A.,
where Jack Be Nimble grabbed his thimble,
     outing him as gay...

Little Jack Horner bought Time Warner
     before the bubble burst,
though Jumping Jack Flash saw the crash
     and liquidated first...

Jack said Jill was taking the Pill
     to ward off impregnation;
the Three Blind Mice have lobbied twice
     for victim's compensation...

Little Miss Muffet had her tuffet
     liposuctioned out,
and Little Bo Peep married a creep;
     lamb chops gave him gout...

Jack Sprat's wife went under the knife
     for Lap-Band surgery,
then Third Little Pig struck it big
     on reality TV...

Old King Cole's gone on the dole,
     exposed as a pretender;
while Wee Willie Winkie flashed his pinkie,
     that Registered Offender...

Mother Goose declares a truce
     on being rearranged;
nursery rhymes reflect the times,
     but times, they've sure a-changed!
:paranoid: Man, I scare myself sometimes.

(Title = pun, of course.)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2009-03-23
Of all of the humorous poems I have read on DA, for me personally this one has to top them all. Massacre of the Innocence by =BornBlitzed has a witty satire that is just perfectly twisted! ( Suggested by BloodshotInk and Featured by LadyLincoln )
:iconsinaithefabcactus:
SinaiTheFabCactus Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014
xDD priceless !!! (I should read this to ma siblings when they demand a bed time story xDDD)
Reply
:iconnsawatchlist:
Nsawatchlist Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Student Writer
Now, it seems like this is some sort of anecdote,
but I really don't think it is.
Great poem. I suppose all of our souls can be in a happy place.
Reply
:iconjustcallmezoola:
JustCallMeZoola Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
this is hilarious XD
Reply
:iconalexcinderpelt:
alexcinderpelt Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
much laugh
very funny
such clever
wow XD
Reply
:icongreengoblin73:
GreenGoblin73 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
In the words of Mordecai and Rigby: OOHHHHHHHHH!! CURSE YOU! 
Reply
:iconlyrically-sadistic:
Lyrically-Sadistic Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I lol'd.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Professional Writer
That was the plan. :D
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:iconparsat:
Parsat Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Student Writer
Really late, but this is bloody brilliant!
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you; I'm glad it made your day. 8-)
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is hysterical! Fantastic! :D
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Writer
:lol: 'Hysterical' was pretty much what I was going for.
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:iconlotc:
LOTC Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2012
Imperiously nonsensical yet indubitably brilliant--your silliness has made my day.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Professional Writer
:salute: Mission accomplished!
Reply
:iconcaptainforesight:
CaptainForesight Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012
Give me a moment to:

!. Pick my jaw up off the ground.
@. Favorite this.
#. Watch and llama the user
$. Realize I've been trying to capitalize my numerals.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Your excess of enthusiasm has been noted and appreciated! :iconeagerpee:
Reply
:iconinsertepicname-here:
InsertEpicName-here Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Student General Artist
I am absolutely amazed. The balance of humor and cynicism is perfect!
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
:omfg: Cynicism? Moi? I, madam, am a realist. An I shall prove it:

The glass is neither half-empty nor half full. Rather, it's twice as large as it needed to be. Q.E.D.

(All kidding aside, thank you. :thanks:)
Reply
:iconinsertepicname-here:
InsertEpicName-here Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
From my view, cynicism pretty much is realism... but then, I'm a cynic. :D
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
To that, I have but one reply: [link] :D
Reply
:iconinsanesanity813:
InsaneSanity813 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
C-can I just add one more perspective to that joke?
Smart-assist: The glass is 100% full, it's half water half air.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Professional Writer
:lol: Sounds like a realist to me. Or maybe even... a physicist! :iconneiltysonplz:
Reply
:iconinsanesanity813:
InsaneSanity813 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ehehehehe, that's how I always look at it :3
Reply
:iconinsertepicname-here:
InsertEpicName-here Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
:mwahaha: Oh my gosh, where do you find this stuff?
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Well, there's a reason they call me Mikipedia. =p
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:icondesperateme:
DesperateMe Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Brilliant, in fact pure bloody genius!
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner May 9, 2012  Professional Writer
:lol: I appreciate the words of encouragement.
Reply
:iconmaikafranklinclw3:
MaikaFranklinCLW3 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012  Student General Artist
I have read this a thousand times and memorized it so I can recite it for friends at school and each time it makes me laugh just as hard.
You, my friend, have created something legendary. My applause.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Professional Writer
:blushes: That's just about the highest accolade I have any right to expect. My deepest thanks.
Reply
:iconmaikafranklinclw3:
MaikaFranklinCLW3 Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Student General Artist
You're very welcome, my brilliant friend~
Reply
:iconi-am-who-iam:
i-am-who-iam Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
lol! ILOVE THIS well done my friend
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
:bow: 'Twas my pleasure.
Reply
:iconinsanesanity813:
InsaneSanity813 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I sat in front of my computer laughing a good five minutes after finishing reading this.
This is easily one of the most BRILLIANT portrayals of humor I have ever, EVER come across. I applaud you for a job well done.
:iconclapplz::iconclapclapplz::clap::thumbsup::iconbrilliantplz::iconincredibleplz::lmao::iconlaughterplz: etc... I think you get the picture.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Professional Writer
:omfg: Coming from a Time Lord, that's high praise indeed!
Reply
:iconinsanesanity813:
InsaneSanity813 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I guess you're correct, well done.
Reply
:iconspinecone:
Spinecone Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012
I think what makes this funny is that they are good poems in there own right, they stand up well even without knowing the source...
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Professional Writer
I appreciate that. Though these days, I'd be very surprised if there are very many people left who aren't familiar with the source material. :)
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012
Ha, love this. Brilliant title. :)
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Thanks, and thanks for noticing; I work hard to make the title a part of the piece, instead of simply a label.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
Welcome and welcome. ^^
Reply
:iconarbiter1983:
arbiter1983 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very clever and funny. Love it!
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Professional Writer
That's all any writer can hope for. Thank you. 8-)
Reply
:iconjames-chandler:
James-Chandler Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's just brilliant.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Professional Writer
:thanks: It's very kind of you to take the extra moment to say so.
Reply
:iconjames-chandler:
James-Chandler Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, you're more than welcome. I always appreciate poetry of this calibre. :)
Reply
:iconinmyleftmind:
InMyLeftMind Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012  Student General Artist
This is very clever. :heart:
I have respect for anyone who can write beautiful poetry, and then to make it rhyme on top of that!
I love the message, and the bluntness about it. I read the lines and can't help but to smile a little and think of all the things that they refer to (and it's sad that there are so many coming to mind).

Well done. :pat:
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:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Professional Writer
:blushes: Thank you; making people smile, and think, is all I ever set out to do.
Reply
:iconinmyleftmind:
InMyLeftMind Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome.
As united artist's I think that that's everyones goal.
I know it's mine.
:)
Reply
:iconcassildra:
Cassildra Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Professional Writer
This is REALLY good.
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Professional Writer
:whisper: And you want to know a (not-so) secret?

Like with Actinium Dreams, this was just me having a little fun with a silly idea; I never expected it to be put up for a DD.
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:iconcassildra:
Cassildra Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Professional Writer
:O a secret?! yesplz
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